In the Grind

It’s been a while!

Sometimes, to make art, you have to take a lot of time to see art. And just the same as any tasty meal, you need time to digest it. So instead of writing about it much or even making it, I’ve been digesting and brainstorming instead.

I even took a little break from posting my art on social media. Which some would say is a no-no. Once you stop the toil of consistent posting, you lose momentum in the algorithm. But a break from the pressure of that toiling is MUCH needed when you’re in the storm of starting to make something new.

I’ve had a few shows with Houston Artists Official, Houston Millennials, the Bridgeland Art Crawl, and am a resident artist at the Pearland Art Gallery. With everything going on in the world, sales have not been great, but that isn’t usually my end goal with showing or making art.

All of the people I’ve met at these shows have been so encouraging and welcoming, from the hosts, to the artists, and the visitors. Many of them have been inspiring and even open to collaborating on some new projects I’m working on now (when am I not working on new stuff, though?).

It’s always been pretty hard for me to feel like I’m included, in part because it’s hard for me to trust that I am and in part because a lot of times I’m really not.

I think it’s difficult for people to understand how an artist might not be so easily welcomed in certain spaces — because art is supposed to be wild, free, and fun, right? But through the years that I’ve been doing this and making my way I’ve come to realize that art scenes and the art world are just mini versions of what we already see in society as a whole. The people who don’t understand it in our society, won’t or don’t want to understand it in the art world either.

Of course, some messed up things have happened that might have me question whether or not I belong here, but it’s not in me to stop trying. The more I do, the more people I find that I’ve been able to connect to on a level I didn’t realize was possible. And I’m so deeply grateful and relieved in finding that connection!

As I mentioned, my art hasn’t been flying off the walls like they were last year (not enough to pay the rent, anyway). So I did have to go back to my teaching job.

Six days a week, sometimes 12 hours a day.

It isn’t a regular teaching job, and on its own, teaching is incredibly demanding physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, much of the time I get back into my studio already exhausted and drained, hoping that some ounce of creative juice might spill out onto the canvas before I have to knock out, wake up, and do it all over again.

I do my best not to be too disappointed when nothing happens, because I’m still an artist. I still get excited about the colors I see, the small things I notice, the reference photos I take, and the things that I doodle.

I’m also realizing I may have to apologize to some of my art teachers, because these hard-headed art students are not for the faint of heart. And I know for a fact that I was one. Though, I do see that you have to be this hard-headed to want to keep doing this crazy thing.

I’ve been so tired. But this weekend I’m going back into another art show and I’m planning to have all new work for it. Still pushing forward! Still in the process of becoming more vulnerable in this writing that I share with you and in my work.

See you at the next show!