The Intern and Nude Survey 5
Nude Survey 5. Muzeumm. Los Angeles. IMG X EMS. thuvanarts.com. @ericminhswenson — withAliza J Bejarano, Mishelle Moross and Eric Minh Swenson at MUZEUMM.
Interning at Coagula has been the most fun I've ever had learning. Going back to school and being a student had put me on edge. In my high school career I learned quickly that along with the knowledge being offered by each teacher came a big basket of bias. And their own precious agenda. Although I don't absolutely dismiss what my teachers now have to say; I actually respect them a great deal. But the essence of being a student brings a condescension I am perpetually and deeply repulsed by.
Everyone is in a constant state of learning no matter what age. You're always digesting new information, having epiphanies, understanding someone else's perspective. The forced setting of the teacher and student role in school leaves little respect for the student and what they have to offer. And even the method in which they process information. Not everyone can sit in a three hour slide lecture and leave with retained details of what was discussed. Notes being taken or not. The constant in this setting is always, "Respect my time, my ideas, fuck your time, fuck your process, and fuck your ideas." The norm also being that students are just eventually expected to have a meltdown with the workload being given. "Suck it up."
I have loved meeting and getting to know my peers at school, and creating relationships with some of the teachers. But a lot of the opportunities offered aren't pressed, and the grading process of assignments is depressing. "Too conceptual, 4/5," says a tiny card left on one of my paintings. "That's just how school is."
The interns arrived but there is no work for them to do... — with Tricia Banh and Aliza J Bejarano at Coagula Curatorial.
Listening to conversations at Coagula, selling art at its opening for Abel Alejandre, and mingling with the crowd has taught me and enthralled me more than four months as a BFA Drawing and Painting student. I still believe having the degree will benefit me in the long run (especially with an inevitable recession awaiting us in the future).
Nude Survey 5 was an incredible exploration of nudity and sexuality. An open forum on the expression of what we crave, desire, and reveal. In my nude pieces, I want to also express the vulnerability in being nude. Laying bare in the presence of an audience that may not accept you, that may judge you -- but fuck it, here I am. Natalie Cruz even helped me to become a piece myself.
In front of Billy Pacak's pussy pipes
Everything that you | do | are | reap | execute | has a connotation. Whether you deny or confirm what's being said, it doesn't erase undertones. Your reaction is far more significant. This works in many dimensions. Hopefully you see the world | in | from | more than just one.
As I've been making my way through the artworld I've found myself faced with gossip and connotations based on my various titles. My age, gender, role in school, and at the gallery have prompted others to connect the dots in their own way. Being young and being a woman places me in a land where what I have to offer is my body. Being an intern and a student emphasizes an invitation for non-solicited critique and advice. That isn't to say I don't still have so much to learn or that I believe I've figured all the in's and out's of my journey. But the insistence in "you should," and "you need," illustrates the same insecure student/teacher roles in school. I am a student. But I'm not your student.
Rather than respond in hostility during these situations or try to fight against them, I decided Nude Survey 5 would be a great place to open that dialogue.
“I don’t think anyone thinks that.”
”Don’t let it bother/stop you.”
”That’s fucked up.”
”That’s the way things are.”
I have had various conversations regarding this dynamic with both men and women. The consensus being, no this shouldn't be, but it is. Though these undertones are a daily occurrence in their subtleties -- they are glaringly obvious as I take steps in establishing my career.
My response, however, is not an ode to feminism. Feminism has been chewed up and spit out as a fad. With specified how-to's and lists of ways "to be a feminist." Yes, this shit is exhausting and frustrating. I would rather jump into the world being viewed as an ambitious artist first and a sexual deviant second. As a kid I was told that if you believed women should have a right to vote, you were a feminist. But the concept has been wrung out so many times the word actually causes some people to cringe. When I see someone using it to back up their personal aggravation over a situation and discrediting other women with implications of being "against the cause", it makes me cringe, too. Sometimes I don't like to shave, I don't like having long hair, I go places with no makeup. None of those things makes me a feminist. Nothing I decide to purchase, not purchase, or do makes me a feminist. If anyone wanted to label me that way it would be because I believe in civil rights -- " the rights of citizens to political and social freedom and equality." It would be because I want to roam the artworld without the assumption I have slept with someone to gain some kind of advantage.
Despite this crazy sociological dilemma I am encountering, Nude Survey 5 was amazing! I had so much fun meeting and conversing with other artists. I give great thanks to Mishelle Moross at Muzeumm and Eric Minh Swensen for putting on such a wonderful show and having a platform for great conversation.
Ughhhh....my daughter showed up to Nude Survey Five. @aliza_b_ #emstake1artseries — with Aliza J Bejarano at MUZEUMM.