Living Life While Arting

2020 was not friendly to anyone. Maybe to those who genuinely enjoy staying inside lavishing in their alone time. But even they have to admit that the whole year was at the very least strange, uncomfortable, and out of control.

I’ve found so many blessings this year through moving to Texas. My new friends, my partner, my studio, my new teaching job, all the art people and family I’ve connected with. But the overall transition has been anything but easy.

Especially with the recent passing of my mom’s sister.

When you hear you have to find the “why” behind your passion, business, or craft, this is the reason. Because when things get so hard your general motivation to do much of anything waivers, you have to link yourself back to the bigger picture and convince yourself not to give up. This is the “why” that makes it all worth it. That keeps you trying and yearning to grow your dream.

I’ve been tired.
Tired of losing people I love and of life’s everyday money-hustle. Of not being respected as an artist or in general as a human. Getting up everyday and having even the most foundational motivation can be hard to find in myself at times.

But I come back to remembering how much those people I loved supported me and my passion. How hard they worked to push me to do and reach out to realize all the things I ever wanted. And what a shame it would be to sit on those dreams now that they’re gone.

It’s so hard to keep pushing without them.
But I have to.

So I keep painting. I keep building my tribe — more people like my mom and aunt who support and cherish me and what I do. I keep finding work that will inspire me. Like Enya Studio, teaching and inspiring kids who want to make their own art. And I see myself in them, imagining that my mom and my aunt did this, too.

I try to imagine what they might tell me. Sometimes I dream about it. And usually it’s the same advice they’ve always given me:

Take steps to do the things you love. Relax when you need to, and when you do relax HARD. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to enjoy it and have fun. Find that fun every little thing you do.

I miss them.