Choosing Art Over Capitalism

I have always been torn about having a “regular” job. At first I thought that meant a nine-to-five, office, clock-in, always have to wear makeup in the morning, kind of job. But even after trying to maneuver my way around that structure I’ve come to realize that it isn’t just that regular nine-to-five I’m so desperate to avoid.

It’s having a boss I have to answer to that isn’t me. Any boss good or bad that evaluates me and what I do based on their own personal bias and experience. Which at times can turn into a trap — where I’m constantly trying to prove my value and worth to someone who will never see me or what I have to offer. Or who will never pay me what I’m worth. But even beyond the money, I have to think about my time and where my energy is going. Do I want to use my time to help someone else build their dream, or do I want to use that time to build mine?

This job I’ve had teaching kids has been AMAZING. I love being their teacher, love watching them learn about art, love seeing their eyes light up when they realize they can create something out of nothing. But at the end of the day I have to consider where these hours of my time are going. Am I going to dedicate time into having a career as an art teacher?

Seeing what my current boss has built and how long she’s been doing it for has been truly inspiring. It has also been a joy to be surrounded by art on a regular basis. But I have to be honest with myself about where I find that joy and be intentional about how and where I activate my creativity. This part is something that I think not a lot of people will understand. Because if it’s art-related and you like making art, can’t you just make your own art on your own time and keep that day job? Not really.

The same way anyone can experience burnout in their work, school, or even emotionally, you can definitely get burnt out activating your creative Self too often. And if by the end of the day you’ve used it all up there isn’t much time or energy left to create the things you really want. This is just as bad as if you had a day job that didn’t active that creative part of you at all. It might actually be worse.

I’ve been very nervous to leave this job or even limit my hours. Part of it is feeling guilty for the kids, because I love teaching them so much. And part of it is having to have a lot of faith in what I’m doing with my art now. Even though my art has proven to be lucrative on its own so far, it’s still a scary jump to make.

I think in the long run I’ll thank myself.